Captain Falcon CrackFic
by ClashSmashMac369
Summary: Follow C. Falcon and loads of different narrators through this hectic, disorganized, plotless parody!


**Captain Falcon**

Hello, hello! Welcome! I'm your narrator! Nice to meetcha! This is my co-host, captain fa-

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

….captain falcon. And yes, he just misspelled every word in that sentence. Isn't that right?

"YES!"

Gr8. Anyway-

"YES! Sho mii ya moovz! YES!"

I _know_ I misspelled great, but- w8, sew itz okey wen yoo mispel thyngz butt nawt miiii?!

"YES!"

*sigh.* anyway-

"Sho mii-"

WHAT _NOW_?!

"...sho mii ya moovz!"

…...right. So today, we'll be telling you about the time when captain falcon here got his butt kicked by a mere child. Remember that, pal?

"Falcon…"

Oh no.

 **PAWNCH!**

well, now that I'm back from the moon, let's talk about something else. Any bright ideas, cap?

"YES! Show me ya moves!"

2 things: 1, they just SAW you falcon punch me to the moon! They were _there_!

"Come on!"

It was _NOT_ funny!

"YES!"

-_- and 2, are you okay? You've spelled everything right since I got back from the moon.

"YES!"

You sure?

" _YES_!"

Are you sure you're-

" _ **YES**_!"

Ok, ok, sheesh.

"*laughs evilly*"

Uh… You don't seem like you're-

"Falcon…"

Oh no, not again!

PAWWWWNCH!

Hello, I'm your _new_ narrator! The old one got falcon punched into the sun, so I'll be taking his place! Uh… *scoots away from captain falcon.* so, captain falcon… What story should we tell them?

"Show me ya moves!"

But I'm _here_ , not on the moo-

"Falcon…"

Already?!

PAWWWWWNCH!

Well, now I really _am_ on the moon… Geez… I wonder if-

"Falcon…"

W8, weared yoo cum frum?!

PAWWWWWNCH!

AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! So as you can see, this maniac- *looks at captain falcon* -just sent the moon soaring down towards earth! Gr8 job, genius!

"YES!"

I'm being sarcastic, idiot.

"YES!"

No, you being an idiot I meant, it's just that- y'know what? Never mind.

So, how do we stop the-

" *nom* "

...wait. DID YOU JUST _EAT_ THE _MOON_?!

"Yes!"

Beh- Dep- WHY?!

"Yes!"

'YES' ISN'T AN ANSWER!

"YES!"

NO! IT'S NOT MADE OF CHEESE!

"YES!"

IT'S A GIANT ROCK! HOW DID IT TASTE LIKE CHICKEN?!

"Sho mi ya moovz!"

Here's a move for ya!

*punches captain falcon across the face*

*insert sad violin music here*

Oh, c'mon, cap, you know I didn't mean it like-

"Falcon…"

Oh crap!

"PAWWWWWWWWWWWWNCH!"

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hello, I'm your new _er_ narrator! But before we get into introductions, I'd like to ask captain falcon a couple of questions.

"YES!"

Why did you eat the moon?

"YES!"

Uh-huh…

"Cum awn!"

Oh-kaaaaay…

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

Verrrry interesting… And question 2: do you intend to _replace_ it?

"Cum awn!"

What do you mean you already did?

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

Look up at the sky? Why would I do thaaaaaaoooooohhh mygoshwhatdidyoudotothemoon?!

"YES!"

MAKING THE MOON A GIANT VERSION OF YOUR FACE IS _NOT_ AN IMPROVEMENT!

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

Then what _is_ the best part?!

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

….did the moon just talk?

"YES!"

….WHY?!

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

THAT IS MANY THINGS, BUT IT ISN'T AWESOME!

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

I will never be able to sleep again. Not with _that_ staring back at me.

"Cum awn!"

THAT THING IS WORSE THAN _MAJORA'S_ MOON!

"Cum awn!"

NO, I DONT _WANT_ A CLOSER LOO-

"Falcon…"

You wouldn't _dare_.

" **PAWWWWWWWWWWWNCH!** "

Well, apparently he _would_ dare. Gee, if this isn't terrifying, I don't know _what_ is!

" **SHO MII YA MOOVZ!"**

Hello? Why can't I hear myself?! SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!

SOMEONE-

"Falcon…"

ANYONE!

"PAWWWWWWWWWNCH!"

HEEEEEEEEEELP!

Alright… I'm back… sadly, I'm alive, too… Ugh, I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life…

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

You're not helping.

"YES!"

"Cum awn!"

No.

"Cum awn!"

I'm giving you the silent treatment.

"Cum awn!"

…

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

…

"Falcon…"

Ok, ok, I'll talk! Sheesh, get over-

"PAWWWWWWWWWNCH!"

Hey guys, it's me. Narrator #42. *sigh.* captain falcon here made the other narrator quit.

"YES!"

Darned right. Anyway-

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

So what if I didn't say "damned?" I'm not the type of guy who swears!

"Cum awn!"

I don't care if you are because I'm _not._

"Cum awn!"

Since when was swearing fun?!

"Sho mii ya moovz!"

Since the beginning of ti- beh- dep- what?!

"YES!"

Swearing wasn't a thing when time began!

"YES!"

No.

" _YES_!"

 _No._

" _ **YES!**_ "

 _NO!_

" _ **YES!"**_

Fine.

Anyway, the producer is running out of narrators, so let's wrap this up quick. Test #1: Captain falcon?

"YES!"

Please leave the room.

*captain falcon's face turns a dangerous shade of red*

Ok, that didn't work-

"Falcon…"

No! Please! I have a wife and-

"PAWWWWWWWWWWWWNCH!"

wEll i'M thE lAst NarRat0r, s0 im heAr to0 s y:

 **To Be Continued…**

P.S.

"Falcon…"

Well, there goes the last one.

" **PAWWWWNCH!"**


End file.
